Blueprints for the Big Picture

Summer is obviously in full swing here and by revisiting even my last post in January (yikes) I can already see how much my goals have shifted.  Apparently a couple months ago I was predicting this summer to involve a class at school, working a "regular person job" and working with Oops a little bit, to keep him going but without much competing in mind.  Well I can happily say none of what I planned ending up happening (isn't it funny how that works?); instead I turned down a well-paying full time job, I'm not taking any classes (although that I kind of regret), and I'm working full-time in two barns, barely making enough money to cover my expenses- but I really couldn't be happier!  I have found a way to make money at a Morgan Horse farm cleaning stalls during the week, which may include helping with some babies in the near future, and riding Oops daily. I've been able to occasionally scrape together enough money to take lessons with miss Ashley Adams, someone who I respect more and more as a rider and a horsewoman the more time I spend with her.  She's been an invaluable help not only with me and my horses, but as a friend at shows, selflessly going through courses with me and being quite the mental support system when I have some rider screw-ups. 

The past few months I think I've developed and come into my own as an independent person.  I'm starting to understand how plans can change, and that it's not always a bad thing or for reasons you might be afraid of.  Change can be good and even sneak up on you for the better.  I may not be making money this summer, but I've discovered that having enough in order to do a couple things that are really important to me (horse-wise; lessons, clinics and shows, etc) is completely enough for me.  I do not need much money in order to support myself.  This has been a rather freeing realization, understanding more and more out about myself and doing it a little unconventionally.  The next big mental dialogue I'm having with myself is what this is going to look like for me after this school year, when I hopefully graduate.  Yes, I love what I'm studying, but putting horses and my riding career on the back burner just to get a job that can pay student loans isn't how I envision myself.  I spent this morning working with my therapists (yes... I have two) on the importance of laying out my intermediate steps that will hopefully set me up to reach my big goals.  I use to lay out what I hoped to accomplish without much thought to how I would get there.  In doing this, I'm starting to be ok with not doing things the way everyone else usually does them: getting a real person job to make enough money to pay loans and THEN figure out to how balance horse life with that.  That is not going to work for me, and no matter what people say to try to discourage me from sticking myself out there, I am pretty sure at this point I won't learn things unless it's the hard way.  I am fairly certain my life after graduation will go horses, then figuring out how I'm going to cover expenses/loans.  Happiness allows my creativity to solve some of those big dilemmas for me. Being suffocated 90% of the time just to make money and suppressing what I enjoy doing just to be able to do it half as often doesn't fly with me. 

On a more positive note, Oops recently received his lowest score at a recognized event and had one of our best stadium rounds the same weekend.  Cross country riding is something I need to get back into the swing of, but we're feeling better than we have in awhile, and more connected.  Needless to say, I'm having a great time continuing to learn about him and how he operates, even after nine years of our partnership.  Horses never stop teaching you new things!